Love as Long as You Live
by dwparsnip
Summary: The Apollo falls victim to a trap that leaves Rodney deciding who gets to live and die. Another McKeller tale.


No idea where this one came from. An idea spawned long ago by something. It hasn't been beta'ed in the technical sense, but a heartfelt thanks to DaniWilder and theicemenace for their suggestions and support. Title courtesy of the aforementioned theicemenace.

MGM owns SGA. Not me.

* * *

"Tell me again why we're going and not someone else?" demanded Rodney as he roughly shoved a LSD into one of the front pouches of his tac vest. He slapped the flap down to secure the device with unnecessary gusto and then thrust his arms out to his sides and glared at Sheppard. "And why are we gearing up like we're going to a Wraith controlled planet?"

Sheppard didn't know if he should laugh at Rodney's juvenile display of frustration or cry because it was a harbinger of incessant complaining to come. "You know Woolsey, Rodney," he replied causally after deciding that laughing would only serve to further irritate his friend- and increase the amount complaining- and crying would be unbecoming a Colonel of the United States Air Force. "He thinks it would be a good idea that we always gear up whenever we go off Atlantis."

Rodney grimaced and rolled his eyes at his team leader and friend. "That makes about as much sense as sending a MALP through every single time we step through the gate." He grunted amusedly as he remembered Woolsey reluctantly agreeing with him and Sheppard that it was too tedious and for the most part unnecessary to have a MALP scout ahead during every single excursion. "The _Apollo_ is beaming us up from our gate room, taking us out to M4D-638 and beaming us down into the thing." It had been an interesting if somewhat fluky discovery made by the _Apollo_ a week earlier. A flicker of a power spike on their long range sensors had brought them to a rather inhospitable planet much like the one the rogue Asgard had called home. A scan of the planet had shown a series of three interconnected sizable structures, no signs of life and a low level power source. Since then teams from the _Apollo_ had been going over the complex with a fine tooth comb. They'd been waiting to do intensive scans from the ship but atmospheric interference was messing up the scanners so badly that Ellis had grudgingly called Atlantis and asked for his help. "I can understand gearing up to go on the planet even though they've been there for a week," griped Rodney without missing a beat, "but why now? What could possibly hap…?

"Don't say it!" Sheppard quickly exclaimed with a warning finger point at Rodney for good measure. "Just don't say it." The Colonel made certain the safety was engaged on his sidearm and slipped it into its holster on his right hip. "Every time you say something like that we end up being captured or injured or running for our lives."

Rodney gave Sheppard an exasperated look and another blatant eye roll to boot. "Oh right, because the natives of Pegasus, the Wraith, the Replicators, the Ancients and all the other friends we've made so far all pay so much attention to me and what I say that everything bad that happens to us is all my fault."

Sheppard walked over to Rodney and put his hand on the latter's shoulder. "It's about time you caught onto that, Rodney," said Sheppard, his face completely deadpan. He gave Rodney's shoulder a pat and then began heading towards the door. "Come on," he said over his shoulder. "Everyone else is waiting for us."

Rodney stood in the locker room, slightly dumfounded at Sheppard's audacity, and watched as the Colonel disappeared through the door. A moment later he slowly shook his head and began to follow his team leader, mumbling as he walked, "I don't get paid enough."

Rodney slipped through the door and broke into a lazy jog to catch up to Sheppard. He slowed down when he fell into step next to his friend and said, "You didn't tell me why we're going. I thought we were going to slow it down and let some other teams get their hands dirty, gain valuable field experience and all that other stuff. That new lieutenant- Sam's friend- Healy, or Halley or Hailey or whatever it is. She's supposed to be relatively brilliant and hasn't been out much yet."

Sheppard gave Rodney a sidelong glance and couldn't stop the smirk from forming on his lips. "Are you okay, Rodney?" His smirk disappeared and he forced a serious look onto his face as he turned to look at his friend. "It's not like you to want other people to play with new technology."

"I'm fine," Rodney replied, and then added with yet another roll of his eyes, "thanks for asking. Look I just don't think it's necessary for us to..."

"Give it a rest, Rodney," Sheppard said as they stepped into the gate room. He waved to Ronon and Teyla who were waiting in the center of the room. "We're ready and we're going." They stopped a few feet away from their team mates and Sheppard gave Rodney a suspicious glance. "It's almost as if you had plans or something."

Rodney's eyes shot to Sheppard's and he stammered, "Plans? What do you mean plans?" Rodney shook his head and suddenly found the gate very interesting. "I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about." Rodney continued to stare at the gate, though out of the corner of his eye he could see Sheppard eyeing him with a knowing grin.

"Really?" asked Sheppard, his voice innocence itself. "I thought you might have had plans with a certain blond doctor by the name of Keller." Sheppard shrugged nonchalantly then asked with only the barest hint of mischief, "Or is it someone else?"

Rodney spun to face Sheppard and began sputtering a response. He hadn't even managed to form one coherent word when he felt a calming hand on his back and a familiar body brush against his left side.

"**We**," said Jennifer, with more stress on the word than was really necessary, "had plans, Colonel." She gave them both a sly look and then said to Rodney, "This is the third time you've cancelled on me this month, Rodney. If I didn't know better I'd say you were trying to get out of our dates."

Rodney saw the teasing for what it was and folded his arms across his chest. "Well it's a good thing you know better then."

Jennifer smiled and got lost in those stormy blue eyes. "Yes it is," she said softly.

Sheppard looked the other way for a moment, feeling slightly guilty for being an unwanted third wheel and wishing he could grant them more than a few seconds of peace, and then turned back to the happy couple. "Okay you two, break it up," he said, and let his amusement show with a smile as the two of them jumped and eased away from each other. It was then that John noticed something. "You going somewhere, Doc?"

Jennifer glanced down at her black off-world getup and then nodded. "I asked Mr. Woolsey if I could visit the _Apollo_ to check on their medical facilities, and he thought it was a wonderful idea."

John gave the younger woman, who was blushing ever so slightly, a knowing look. "Okay."

Jennifer's face hardened into a defiant countenance, as though challenging him to call her on what was quite obviously a fib of epic proportions, and then blatantly smirked when John smiled and shook his head once in surrender.

The three of them turned their attention to the upper section of the Control Room when Woolsey called to them.

The expedition leader leaned on the rail and said to the room at large, "Okay everyone. The _Apollo_ has just entered orbit and is ready to transport you aboard." He focused his attention on Rodney. "Render what assistance you can, Doctor McKay, and obtain any information you are able. Remember that Colonel Ellis is in charge of this operation." He paused for a second, hoping that his reminder was not wasted. "Good luck."

Woolsey turned away and Rodney looked to Sheppard. "Why did he say good luck? Why would we need…" There was a brilliant flash of light and despite the fact that they were now on a spaceship in orbit, Rodney went on without pause. "…luck? It's not like we're always getting into trouble or anything."

Rodney looked around after delivering that blatant lie and discovered that they were not on the bridge of the ship as he'd expected, but in one of the workrooms of the Engineering section.

That fact surprised Sheppard as well. "Oh well," he said jovially to hide his surprise and irritation, "looks like we walk."

"You go on," replied Rodney with a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's only going to take forty minutes to get to 638 and I need to work my magic on the sensors to make sure we can scan through the interference."

"That's a good idea, Doctor," said a crisp voice from the doorway.

Everyone turned to find the commander of the _Apollo_ standing in the open hatch, his arms folded across his chest and a thoroughly unpleasant look upon his face.

"Why thank you, Colonel," replied Rodney coolly. "I do have a good idea every once in a while."

"That's good to know, Dr. McKay," said the Colonel, unperturbed by the sarcasm and contempt oozing from the astrophysicist. He looked to Sheppard and said, "I'd like you to join me on the bridge, Colonel." His arms lowered to his sides and he glanced around to Jennifer, Teyla and Ronon. "You three can go wherever you like," he said in a voice that told them he'd prefer not to have them on board at all, "just don't interfere with my crew."

With that he turned and left.

After a few moments, Rodney turned to Jennifer and then to Sheppard. "There are words, unkind yet deadly accurate words, to describe that man."

John couldn't help but agree. "True, but let's remember we're on his ship." He pointed to Ronon and said, "So let's stay out of trouble, right?"

Ronon grunted and gave Sheppard a smirk as he walked past him and out the door.

"I'm heading to medical," said Jennifer as she approached Rodney. When she reached him she put her hands on Rodney's arms. "Be careful," she said softly, her voice playful and her brown eyes almost glimmering with amusement. "I don't want to have to help break you out of the brig or anything."

Rodney snorted and gave her a noncommittal shrug. "Well, we'll see what happens."

Jennifer smiled and leaned into Rodney and whispered, "I love you," before giving him a tender kiss on the lips. She released him and walked towards the exit, stopping and turning to face Teyla when the Athosian called her name.

"May I join you?" Teyla asked with a smile. "I do not wish to run afoul of Colonel Ellis and I do not believe I know any of this crew."

Jennifer smiled widely and nodded her head as she replied, "Of course." She gave her friend a wry look. "I know how you feel."

Teyla smiled back and nodded to John and Rodney as she passed them.

"Well," said Sheppard as Jennifer and Teyla left the room, "might as well go and see what he wants."

"Into the dragon's den, huh?" said Rodney with a smirk. "I think you're the one that needs to try to keep out of trouble."

They walked out the door together and as Rodney was about to veer off into the main Engineering section, John quipped, "And I left my sword on Atlantis, too."

"Talk to Ronon," called Rodney over his shoulder. "He's probably got one hidden in his hair somewhere."

Rodney smirked as Sheppard's laughter followed him down the hall, but it quickly disappeared when he heard a familiar voice.

"Got what hidden in my hair?"

Rodney stopped, and with eyes widened by the complete surprise he was feeling saw Ronon leaning causally against one of the consoles in the room.

Rodney sighed and moved to the main console, motioning for the young woman manning the console to move away, which she did post-haste. Sometimes having a reputation could be very useful.

"I commented to Sheppard that he was heading into the dragon's den," explained Rodney as his eyes flew across the readouts. "He said that he'd forgotten his sword, to which I said that you probably have one in your hair." He looked up and found Ronon shaking his head.

"Not today," he replied, and as he shrugged his massive shoulders he added, "Didn't think I'd need it."

Rodney studied Ronon for moment, but as was usually the case he couldn't tell one way or the other if the Satedan was joking or not.

"I should have known you'd come in and try to take over everything," said an irritated voice from the doorway, a nerve rending voice Ronon and Rodney both knew far too well.

The two Lanteans turned and adopted equal postures and expressions of disgust as Kavanagh walk into the room and headed in their direction.

"What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Rodney as leaned back in his chair.

Kavanagh waltzed right up to the console and smugly said, "Colonel Ellis requested my assignment to the _Apollo_." He gave Rodney a daring smirk. "Unlike certain others in leadership positions," Kavanagh said with obvious connotations, "Colonel Ellis recognizes the enormous contribution I can make."

Rodney snorted in disbelief. "It figures you two would hit it off. You're both real ass…"

"I'll take that as a compliment," interrupted Kavanagh as he leaned in towards Rodney with a menacing look on his face.

Suddenly Ronon's arm was thrust in between them, his left hand settling on the console and his right hand resting on the handle of his energy weapon. When Kavanagh looked at him Ronon muttered in a low growl, "You would."

Kavanagh, remembering well the last time he'd been so close to the Satedan when he had that look in his eyes, slowly backed away from the console. "Just remember, McKay," he managed to squeak out as he backed towards the door, "this is my turf."

He scooted out the door before Rodney could even issue a comeback. Rodney looked up at Ronon and nodded his thanks. "Not that I don't appreciate the intimidation factor, which I do by the way, but why are you here anyway?" he asked.

Ronon shrugged again and then moved back to the console he had been leaning against. "Didn't know where else to go. Don't like Ellis, so I don't want to be where he is. Last time I went to the gym I beat on some of their Marines and they told me not to come back."

Rodney looked up and received a smirk from Ronon, which Rodney found himself returning automatically. "Fine, just, you know, don't bother me until I get this done."

Ronon leaned back against the console and smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

'Ellis to Dr. McKay.'

Rodney gave an irritated glance to Ronon, who shrugged his broad shoulders in response, then tapped his earpiece. "Yes."

'We're approaching the planet, Doctor. Have you finished making the necessary calibrations on the sensors?'

Rodney was half tempted to ask him what he thought he'd been doing for the last half an hour, but Jennifer's voice in his head kept him from doing it. "Yes, Colonel…we're good to go down here."

'Thank you. Ellis out.'

"He really doesn't like you," commented Ronon with a knowing grin.

"Well I don't particularly like him much either," answered Rodney honestly as he sat down heavily in the chair again. "He's the worst kind of…what the hell?"

Ronon, knowing full well from past experiences that what usually transpired after Rodney made that sort of exclamation wasn't good, quickly moved to stand next to his team mate. "What?"

"They started the scan from the bridge," replied Rodney as his hand danced across the controls. "But there's some kid of feedback coming through. It's almost like…"

The bottom dropped out of Rodney's stomach when he realized what was happening. He jumped up and opened the comm. "McKay to bridge! Shut down the scan! I repeat- SHUT DOWN THE SCAN!"

Ellis' clipped voice came through his earpiece. 'What's the…'

"What the hell are you doing, McKay!" yelled Kavanagh as he rushed into the room. The three technicians manning the peripheral stations scurried out of the room before all hell could break loose.

"There's feedback coming through the scan, and it's building up. It could be a targeting pulse for…"

Rodney didn't have a chance to finish explaining before the ship shook to the left and then very violently to the right, sending him careening across the deck in an uncontrolled slide. He managed to keep from hitting his head on anything and grabbed the nearest protrusion, which happened to be the console that Ronon had been leaning against earlier.

He'd just managed to pull himself up when the lights went out. "Crap!" he yelled into the encompassing blackness. "Where are the damn emergency lights?"

As if inspired by his anger, the emergency lights flickered a couple of times and then came on, casting a pale white light into the room and managing to chase away some of the darkness.

Rodney's eyes strained to find Ronon in the low light, and it wasn't until his second sweep of the room that he found the former runner face down on the floor near the main exit. He rushed over and put his hand on the big man's back, and was relieved to feel him breathing.

He was just about to ask Ronon if he was okay when Ronon's muffled voice said, "Get your hand off me, McKay."

Rodney pulled his hand back as though it had been scalded and snapped, "Well excuse me for checking on you!" He rubbed this aching right shoulder and added, "Main power is out and the bulkheads have sealed. We're stuck in here."

Ronon carefully pushed himself up onto all fours, gave his head a cautionary shake and then slowly stood up from there. "What happened?"

Rodney moved to the main console and started bringing up the ship's systems on the screen. The more he saw, the more he didn't like it. He glanced up to see Ronon moving about the compartment, checking the exits and Kavanagh, who had ended up being thrown against one of the bulkheads.

He focused on the readouts and felt a sense of dread descend upon him, the same kind of feeling he'd felt when his Jumper had crashed into the ocean years ago. "Life support is out…power …" Rodney collapsed in the chair and stared at the screen, completely dumbfounded by what he was seeing.

Ronon settled Kavanagh, who he'd been carrying like a ragdoll in one arm, into the chair opposite Rodney and leaned against the console to peer at the screen. "What is it, McKay?"

"There's no power to the main systems," replied Rodney, his voice flat and defeated. "There's no power at all. Life support, propulsion, communications…all gone. Even the escape pods are powerless."

"That's impossible," said Kavanagh harshly, though he didn't move from his chair. "Life support is tied into the Asgard Core **and** the Naquadah generators, plus main systems have their own auxiliary…"

"I know that!" snapped Rodney. He stood up and stepped back, then indicated the console with a sweep of his arm. "Why don't you take a look and tell me that I'm wrong, keeping in mind that I know more about this ship and these systems than you could ever hope to learn. Oh and by the way, it's occurred to me in the last forty seconds that it shouldn't be a shock to learn that these Asgard would know how to counteract Asgard technology!"

Ronon nodded towards the emergency lights. "Those are working," he said, his voice calm but stern to remind Rodney that he needed to focus. "So is gravity."

Rodney spared Kavanagh another brief but scathing look before moving back to the console. "Each deck has massive batteries that power the emergency lights and critical systems consoles like these," he explained. "They will work for days. Every deck also has its own series of interconnected grav generators…if one goes out the others can pick up the slack." He reached over and punched a few buttons. "According to this, thirty percent of those generators have lost power or been damaged by electrical shorts and feedback, but the others have managed to compensate."

"So how long do we have for you to come up with something?" asked Ronon after a moment.

Rodney looked up to the Satedan, his features set in his patented arrogant smirk and made even a little demonic looking on the low light. "Long enough." He bowed his head to look at the readings and whispered, "I hope."

If Ronon heard him he didn't say so, simply nodding instead and then pointing into the darkened part of the room. "I'm going to check it out."

Rodney took the small flashlight from his vest and tossed to Ronon who easily plucked the tumbling light from the air. "There should be some emergency kits around here somewhere."

"Hungry already, McKay?" asked Ronon with a smirk as he turned away.

"Oh ha ha," replied Rodney sarcastically as he started to undo the clasps on his tac vest. "I'm fairly certain that was your stomach I heard growling a few minutes ago!" He removed the heavy vest and let it drop to the floor next to his feet and turned his attention to the screen in front of him, trying to figure out what the hell had happened and what the hell he could do about it.

* * *

"Oh no," said Rodney softly as he typed command after command into the increasingly uncooperative console.

Kavanagh, who had given up trying to help Rodney after being completely and rudely rebuffed for nearly four hours, jumped from his chair and rushed to stand behind Rodney, rapidly moving left and right to try to get a look at the screen over the Canadian's shoulders. "What is it?"

Rodney ignored the man and continued to try various subroutines and patches to get power up and running, but with each failed execution another avenue was closed off, and he had almost hit the end of the road.

In fact, he had hit pretty much hit the wall.

His shoulders slumped and he leaned back in the chair, slowly shaking his head in defeat. He looked up to Ronon when the Satedan called his name. "I can get some power to the life support system by bleeding it from the gravity generators, but…"

"But what?" demanded Kavanagh from behind Rodney.

Rodney kept his focus on his team mate, and his friend. "I can only get access to certain grav generators, and then I can only route the power to certain parts of the ship." He shook his head again. "I can't get enough to spread around, and even if I could there are so many burned out relays that I wouldn't be able to get it to certain areas anyway."

Ronon shrugged as though the answer should have been obvious. "Do what you can, McKay."

Rodney looked back at the screen and started devising a distribution pattern for the power. He'd almost finished when he realized something that stopped his heart and filled his veins with ice. "No," he muttered as he leaned forward and ran through the sequences again. And again. And again. "No, no, no, no, no…there's got to be…please no."

Ronon had seen McKay under many threats before from many different enemies and in many dire situations, yet he'd never heard the scientist sound so terrified before. "McKay?"

"I can't get power to the life support system covering the Medical Bay," said Rodney as he tried yet another power distribution route. "I can't…no matter which way," he looked up to Ronon and swallowed the lump that had tried to, and had nearly succeeded, block off his throat, "unless I use the distribution network for this deck."

"What?" exclaimed Kavanagh hotly. He pushed Rodney out of the way and studied the schematics Rodney had up on the screen. "You've missed something!"

Rodney resisted the urge to turn Ronon loose on Kavanagh even though the rat had it coming and Ronon would be more than willing to oblige. "You have a better chance of winning a Nobel Prize for Peace than finding something I miss when I actually do miss something, Kavanagh!" Rodney grated out. "I didn't miss anything. There is nothing else."

Ronon walked around the console to stand next to Rodney and said, "So?"

"To get power to life support for the Medical Bay," explained Rodney slowly, as though he were trying to come to grips with the situation himself, which he actually was, "I'd need to use the distribution grid for part of this deck and feed it to the Medical Bay using an undamaged section of the tertiary line."

"To hell with that!" cried Kavanagh as he straightened up and pointed a damning finger at Rodney. "There are maybe ten people in the Medical Bay, maybe less, and there could be as many as a hundred on this deck. Why are we even talking about this? It's simple numbers!"

"Jennifer," he shouted, but that effort took most of his strength and the rest of his sentence was a choked whisper, "is there." He took in a shaky breath. "And so is Teyla."

"Teyla and who? Jennifer?" Kavanaugh's nose wrinkled at the unfamiliar name, and then his entire face contorted as though he'd swallowed something sour and utterly distasteful. "Keller?" he repeated. "So what? She's just another…"

He stopped and backpedalled when Rodney jumped out of his chair and Ronon took a threatening step towards him. "Numbers," he whimpered as his back brought up against the wall, "it's simple numbers."

Rodney glared at Kavanagh for another moment, then looked into the big Satedan's dark eyes. "Numbers," Rodney repeated numbly, and he stepped toward the console. He reached for the console, but hesitated and turned to look back at Ronon.

The warrior was watching him with a neutral expression upon his face- no blame, no anger, just neutrality. It was a testament to the implicit trust they shared as team mates and friends, despite their differing backgrounds and temperaments, not to mention their onetime shared and entirely awkward attraction to Jennifer, that Rodney was able to share what he was going to do with an almost imperceptible nod. He saw Ronon's agreement and approval in the way the bigger man's shoulders relaxed and the way the corners of his mouth quirked upward a millimeter. He was going to do what he was about to do regardless, but for some reason it was nice and reassuring to know that Ronon approved.

He leaned down and typed in the necessary command, and as his finger descended toward the button that would execute his program, he closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry, Jennifer."

After a moment he opened his eyes and watched the screen as the luminescent diagram of the Engineering deck's power grid lit up. Rodney waited, his breath sure and steady because he knew with all of his considerable intelligence what was going to happen. The grid became active, and just as he'd programmed it to do, and then the grid dumped its power into the tertiary line. Despite his confidence he sighed in relief when the tertiary line held and carried the power into the life support system for the Medical Bay.

"McKay?"

Rodney stood up straight and his eyes shot to Ronon. He held the Satedan's eyes as he softly said, "It worked."

Ronon nodded and glanced down at the screen, then back to Rodney. "How long do we have?"

For the second time since being locked in the same room with him, Kavanagh rushed towards Rodney, shouldered him aside and glared at the console.

"What did you do?" Kavanagh demanded loudly as he pounded away at the console. "You…you did it, didn't you?" He turned on Rodney with white hot anger. "Are you insane? You've killed us!"

"He saved **them**," Ronon emphasized as he moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with his team mate, presenting a united front to Kavanagh.

"Oh how noble!" drawled Kavanagh condescendingly. He pointed accusingly at Rodney. "Who are you to make that decision?" He stomped his foot on the hard deck like a petulant child and declared, "This is my Engine Room! Not yours!"

Rodney didn't immediately have an answer for that. For once, the sorry excuse for a scientist had a point. It was his Engine Room and his responsibility. He should have been the one to decide, just as it would have been Rodney's responsibility if they'd been on Atlantis.

But the answer to why he'd done what he'd done hit Rodney even as the soft echo of Kavanaugh's stomp on the deck faded in the darkened room. "Because," Rodney said with a firm voice and steady glare at his former subordinate, "you would have let her die."

* * *

"Thank God he's finally shut up," said Rodney, his voice barely above a whisper lest the hornet's nest that was Kavanagh be roused again. Ronon didn't say anything but out of the corner of his eye Rodney could see the big man nod in agreement.

Kavanagh had been rendered speechless by Rodney's frank response to his reminder that they were in his Engine Room, but as with all times of peace wherever Kavanagh was it hadn't lasted long. After nearly a minute of doing his impression of a silent actor portraying a guppy out of water, Kavanagh had found his voice and let loose a tirade that would have been impressive coming from just about anyone else.

Coming from him, it was just annoying.

After twelve minutes of facing Kavanagh head on while he'd gotten it off his chest, Rodney had turned his back on the _Apollo_ crew member and sat down at the base of one of the walls, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles. When Kavanagh had hesitated Rodney had looked at him and waved at him to continue on, which he'd done for another five minutes. Ronon had stood by and watched the scene until the fire that had been blazing in Kavanagh's furnace had died down to a lowly ember, then he'd sat down next to Rodney on the floor.

Kavanagh had merely sulked to the main console and had begun trying to either find a way out of their predicament or trying to undo what Rodney had done.

Rodney knew neither scenario was possible and hadn't been the least bit surprised twenty minutes later when Kavanagh had whimpered in defeat and then retreated to the far side of the room and collapsed into a seated position on the floor. Kavanagh hadn't even mentioned the possibility of escaping their tomb through the ventilation system which had surprised Rodney, but he supposed even Kavanagh had to have known that the system would have been sealed along with the bulkheads.

Rodney sighed and noticed for the first time that, even though the light was far from illuminating, he could see his breath crystallize in the air after leaving his mouth.

"You used to be a lot like him," said Ronon.

Rodney turned towards Ronon and the hint of amusement that he'd heard in Ronon's voice was accented nicely by the mirthful glint in his eyes. "Excuse me?" exclaimed Rodney with as much indignation as he could. At Ronon's smirk Rodney faltered. The Satedan was right. During the first couple of years of the expedition he had been pretty much exactly like Kavanagh- arrogant, egotistical, always right and so on. He still was of course, and proud of it as it had saved their collective bacon more than once, but now it was tempered- if only slightly- by a humility and understanding of himself and those around him that he hadn't known before. Not before Jennifer had helped him to see past himself. Granted he'd started that journey almost the second he'd set foot on Atlantis with the help of Carson, Elizabeth, Teyla and Sheppard, but it had been Jennifer's faith in him and her love for him that had been the key to unlocking that once impenetrable door.

"She's been good for you," Ronon said after a few more silent moments.

This time Rodney couldn't even pretend to argue, especially after having just pretty much admitted to himself the same thing.

"You've been good for her, too."

That made Rodney blink. Ever since that fateful day when Jennifer had told Ronon of her interest in someone else, namely him, he and Ronon had been painstakingly careful not to bring it up in any way shape or form. And it had been hard. Rodney had felt insufferably pleased with himself , but besides the fact that Ronon could literally kick his ass with relative ease, he'd had no desire to rub the Satedan's nose in it. Their team dynamic had remained strong and their friendship had remained solid. They never had been buddy-buddy, but they had a bond forged in blood, sweat and tears, a friendship that Rodney deeply appreciated even if he'd never admit it out loud to another living soul.

"Yes, well I love her."

The declaration was free of Rodney's lips before he even thought about parting them to say anything. It was the first time he'd ever told Ronon that he loved Jennifer in such a blatant way. Certainly the Satedan had heard them say it to each other and had witnessed multiple episodes of them proving it with kisses and looks, but it was the first time Rodney had actually made the claim to Ronon. His peripheral vision caught Ronon turning to look at him and he turned in response, unsure of what he was going to see, and for the first time in, well as long as he'd known Ronon, Rodney saw a truly happy smile on the former runner's face.

Their eyes connected for the briefest of instants, and even in that brevity and the low illumination of the emergency lights volumes were spoken between them; all the things that a cantankerous scientist and a solitary warrior from different galaxies would never dare voice to each other under any circumstance, not even impending death- shared feelings of acceptance, trust, camaraderie, gratitude, brotherhood and- perhaps most importantly of all- respect.

A beeping noise from the console grabbed Rodney's attention, and after a quick look to Kavanagh, which found the _Apollo_ engineer asleep if the soft snores were any indication, Rodney slowly stood up and made his way towards the console. He looked at the dim screen and sighed again. He pressed a button to silence the chirping noise and then resumed his place next to Ronon on the floor.

"It was a low temperature alert," explained Rodney as he crossed his arms on his chest and jabbed his hands underneath his armpits to keep them warm. "Like we need it to tell us it's getting cold in here." He thought for a second and then said, "Remind me when we get out of here to…"

He stopped cold, for lack of a better term, slammed his mouth shut and looked around the dimly lit room. "We're not getting out of here." Panic welled up within him, along with a burning desire to bolt back to the console and try everything within his power to ensure they did get out of it. But just as quickly as it had flared up, it died away. He'd done all that he could. There was nothing left to try. He'd saved as many as he could by restoring life support to as much of the ship as he'd been able; he'd saved Teyla, Sheppard and hundreds of other people, but only the knowledge that he'd saved Jennifer brought peace to his soul and helped him accept his looming fate.

_Just going to close my eyes for a second, _Rodney said to himself. Once his eyelids blocked out the emergency lighting of the compartment his thoughts drifted towards Jennifer. Visions of the woman he adored coalesced in his mind's eye, forming and derezzing in rapid succession: pictures of Jennifer in her uniform, in her night clothes, in that black bathing suit that he loved so much but didn't get to see often enough and, of course, without any clothes on at all. He saw pictures of her in action during medical emergencies, with her face determined and her eyes focused; he saw pictures of her eating in the Mess, laughing along with those around her, her smile wide, beautiful and infectious; he saw pictures of her in their bed, her eyes dark and her mouth oh so inviting.

Rodney's eyes shot open and he quickly lifted his head, stunned and more than a little annoyed that he'd apparently and unknowingly dozed off just as quickly as that. He looked over to Ronon and found his friend with his head leaned back against the wall, his eyes half opened and half closed, trying valiantly to stave off the sleep that came with thin air and dropping temps.

He felt his eyes flutter and then close as his head leaned back into a position similar to Ronon's. As darkness engulfed his body, mind and soul, he heard the voice of an angel ringing in his ears.

"…you can do it, Rodney. Open your eyes."

Rodney summoned his strength, focused and commanded his eyes to open. They obliged and were immediately assaulted by a brilliant white light, forcing them closed again. He waited a moment before cracking his right eye open enough to let the light in again. It took him only another moment to realize he was no longer in a sitting position and was instead on his back. He lifted his arm up and used his hand to shield the light from his eyes. His left eye opened and after a couple of precautionary blinks he took in his surroundings.

The first thing he saw was the source of the melodious voice that had been coaxing him along on his journey towards consciousness, and his first impulse was not to sing joyously or bask in the angel's beauty but to throw up, for the source of the voice was none other than Col. John Sheppard, USAF.

"Crap," said Rodney and something immediately sounded wrong to him. He lowered his hand and his fingertips came in contact with something that felt all too familiar to a man who should have been spending most of his time in a lab and not gallivanting among the mostly primitive worlds of Pegasus- an oxygen mask. He gently lifted the offending item from his face and pushed it up over his head to let it drop onto the bed. He blinked to clear his eyes and looked to Sheppard. "Jennifer?" asked Rodney, and despite his profound belief that she was okay, he still needed to hear it from someone he trusted.

"She's fine," answered Sheppard with a smile. "After she knew you'd be okay she went out to help with the wounded."

Rodney nodded and sighed in relief. His eyebrows rose as he asked, "Teyla and Ronon?"

Sheppard gave him another smile, and this one said that he was impressed but not surprised that Rodney would ask about them. "Teyla is out helping Keller and Ronon is…"

"Over here," came the Satedan's voice, and when Rodney turned his head to his right he found his team mate sitting on the edge of the next bed. It was then that Rodney realized he was in the Medical Bay of the _Apollo_.

Rodney gave the warrior a half smile. "Looks like we got out of it after all."

Ronon nodded. "You did good, McKay." He was about to say something else when a voice, a raw and grating screeching voice interrupted him.

"I need to see Colonel Ellis immediately!" Kavanagh demanded.

"I've already told you three times, Dr. Kavanagh," a nurse that Rodney had never seen before calmly replied. "Colonel Ellis is speaking with Colonel Caldwell and will be here in a few moments."

That seemed to placate Kavanagh and Rodney looked to Sheppard. "Caldwell?"

Sheppard nodded and crossed his arms across his chest in a nonchalant move that was all John Sheppard. "Seems the Colonel was curious to see what we were doing and was coming to see for himself." Sheppard gave Rodney a smirk and added, "They hit the gas when they received the _Apollo's_ emergency beacon. Good thing too. They beamed you off the _Apollo_ just in time."

_Daedalus' Medical Bay,_ clarified Rodney internally as he sat up. He felt Sheppard's hand on his back supporting him all the way, just as friends were supposed to do. He nodded his thanks and his assurance that he was fine to Sheppard and then looked around the crowded Medical Bay. All the beds were occupied by _Apollo_ crew members who had injuries of all types, but none of them seemed to be in dire danger.

"No fatalities," said Sheppard as though he knew what Rodney was thinking, and he probably did know. "A few serious injuries, but they're going to be fine." He indicated Ronon with a nod of his head. "Thanks to you, according to Chewie."

Rodney shrugged absently at Sheppard's comment, but the vast majority of his attention had been drawn elsewhere, specifically to the blond beauty that had just breezed gracefully through the door of the Med Bay. He gave her a critical once over searching for any indication that she'd been hurt, but other than her ponytail having become loose and slightly frazzled, she looked perfectly fine and insanely gorgeous.

Jennifer stopped talking to the person who had come in with her and her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that Rodney thought he'd never see again, found his. Her smile was instantaneous and all encompassing. She muttered a quick good-bye to her companion and moved swiftly yet carefully towards him, weaving past the people in her way until she was standing before him.

Jennifer didn't say anything, though she paused for a moment to let her eyes survey his features, then threw her arms around his neck and drew him into a tight and loving hug. He slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his head against hers.

They stayed like that for a while, and while Rodney didn't see them, he knew Ronon and Sheppard stood sentinel beside them ensuring they would have the time and peace they needed.

"I was so worried about you," Jennifer whispered next to his ear. "I wasn't sure if you'd even survived the hit." She loosened her hold on him and leaned back to look into his eyes. Through unshed tears that were a mixture of painful memories and elation she said, "But I knew you were okay the second the lights and heat came on." A single tear slipped from her eye and slid down the outside of her right cheek as her hands moved onto his shoulders and then up to cup his cheeks. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to Rodney's. "I knew it was you coming to my rescue again."

Rodney was about to respond when Kavanagh's shrill voice cut through the moment like a ZedPM powered laser through butter.

"Colonel Ellis, sir!"

Everyone in the Med Bay stopped and looked towards Kavanagh as he quickly jumped off the bed he'd been on and eagerly awaited the commander of the _Apollo_ as he moved among his crew members.

"Doctor Kavanagh," said Ellis as he approached Kavanagh. "I'd like to thank…"

"Colonel Ellis," interrupted Kavanagh, oblivious to the hard stare he'd earned for it from the Colonel. "Sir, I would like to give you my report immediately."

Ellis eyed Kavanagh and folded his arms across his chest. "Very well," he said icily.

Kavanagh took a breath and then hastily said, "Sir, from the moment he set foot in Engineering, Rodney McKay acted as though he owned the place. He intimidated my staff and…"

Rodney slowly shook his head as Kavanagh continued to tell Ellis his jaded take on events. Jennifer released him and moved to his left to give him the room he needed to stand up off the edge of the bed just as Kavanagh told Ellis of Rodney's attempt to divert power to the life support system in various parts of the ship.

"Wait one second," said Ellis as he held up a hand for added emphasis. "It was Dr. McKay who shunted power necessary for life support throughout the ship?" He raised his brows at Kavanagh. "It wasn't you?"

"It was him!" exclaimed Kavanagh as he thrust his arm past the Colonel's shoulder to point wildly at Rodney.

Rodney glared at Kavanagh and easily switched it to Ellis once the Colonel turned his head to look at him. For a second Rodney was unsure of himself, for Ellis wasn't giving him that hateful look that he usually did. He didn't have a chance to really study it or put a name to it as the Colonel turned back to face Kavanagh.

"And I would like to state for the record, sir," explained Kavanagh as he crossed his arms across his chest defiantly, "that it was McKay who cut power to the Engineering section and diverted it to the Medical Bay, sacrificing us and many more to save a few."

Rodney's view of Kavanagh and Ellis was suddenly blocked by something much more view worthy. Jennifer stood before him, her brown eyes wide and moist asking him if what Kavanagh had said was true. "Rodney?"

He didn't get the opportunity to respond, either verbally or nonverbally, because Kavanagh wasn't finished.

"He would have killed us just to save Keller!" he said with a dagger glare at Jennifer's back.

Rodney had been becoming more and more irked by Kavanagh's rant by the second, with his increasing anger being augmented by the intense feelings of loathing that had been built up over the years, but when Kavanagh looked at Jennifer so spitefully and spoke of such a loving and caring woman with such contempt, it turned his vision crimson.

That was all bad enough, but what made Rodney give Jennifer a small kiss on her forehead, then brush past her, walk right up to Kavanagh and hit him with a right roundhouse that Muhammad Ali would have been proud of, was the way the woman he loved flinched at the obvious disdain in Kavanagh's voice when he'd mentioned her by name.

Kavanagh had been rambling on to Ellis and had only seen Rodney at the very last second. Those who witnessed the event would later recount how Kavanagh's eyes tripled in size as Rodney's fist impacted with his left cheek and how he crumpled back onto his bed as though stunned by a Wraith weapon. They would also recount, most of them with more than a little glee, how Kavanagh's unconscious body twitched as it lay on the bed.

After giving Kavanagh what he'd deserved Rodney, ignoring the tremendous throbbing in his right hand and the many looks of approval he'd received from _Apollo_ and _Daedalus_ crew members alike, turned without giving Kavanagh another thought or look and walked back to where Jennifer was waiting.

He took her hands in his and asked hopefully, "Are you done here for a few minutes?"

When Jennifer nodded, Rodney gave Sheppard and Ronon a nod and guided Jennifer out of the Medical Bay. His mind went through the _Apollo's_ specs looking for somewhere private he could spend a few minutes alone with Jennifer and after a moment he determined the perfect place to go. He turned into the next corridor and walked until he found the secondary conference room that was generally used by medical staff when the primary conference room was in use. He opened the door, ushered Jennifer inside and joined her. He shut the door and then took Jennifer in his arms, reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against him; the way her arms circled his waist and held onto him so tightly; and the way her face cuddled into his chest- all things he was certain a short time ago that he would never feel again.

For a long time they stayed in that exact position, Rodney enjoying what he thought he never experience again, and Jennifer enjoying holding and being held by the man she loved, the man she once again came oh so close to losing.

Finally Jennifer could bear it no longer and leaned back so she could look into those crystal blue eyes she adored. "I knew it was you," she repeated in a whisper as her eyes soaked in every detail of Rodney's face lest she never get the chance to do it again. Her eyes found his again. "My hero." Just as Rodney began to smile she drew her right arm back and unceremoniously whapped him on the shoulder, and as he yelped in pain and the tears started to flow freely down her cheeks she said, "Don't you **ever** do that to me again!"

He was about to complain about bruising easily but he found himself unable to think of himself- her tears were his undoing. Her strike and the slight pain forgotten in the daunting face of those tears and her anguish, Rodney hugged Jennifer to him again and gently stroked her back. "It was the only way," he said though he knew that reasoning would do little to assuage her anger and grief. "The systems were so screwed; there was just no way to do it all." Rodney moved his hands up onto Jennifer's shoulders and pushed just enough to get her look up at him. "And I can't make that promise. You..." he hesitated and sighed before saying, "I love you, and you being safe was, and is, the most important thing to me."

Jennifer could find nothing to say to that. Everything in her extensive vocabulary seemed infinitely inadequate to express her appreciation of him and her love for him. Instead she edged up on her tippy toes and pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss, a sweet kiss that was interrupted a few moments later by a rough if diplomatic clearing of a throat.

Rodney and Jennifer quickly parted, and all the warm and wonderful feelings that Rodney had been feeling were swept aside by his extreme dislike for the man standing inside the door.

"The door was **shut** for a reason, Colonel," snapped Rodney roughly as he sidestepped in front of Jennifer so that he was between Jennifer and Ellis.

Ellis raised an eyebrow and said, "It's my ship, Doctor." He held up his hands when Rodney appeared set to let loose another verbal barrage in the war they'd started in their first meeting on Atlantis and said, "I just came to say… thank you." At Rodney's incredulous look Ellis nodded his head. "I trust what my people tell me, McKay, and from what they tell me you performed miracles in my Engine Room." Ellis took a couple of steps towards Rodney and stopped. "You saved a lot of people today, Doctor, a lot of my crew." Ellis held his hand out in font of him. "And I thank you for that."

Rodney was half tempted to get Jennifer to pinch him to try to wake him from the wacky world he'd apparently been transported to. In fact for a brief moment he considered the possibility that he was in some sort of coma and would be doomed to live out the rest of his existence in a reality where Ellis was civil to him.

However at least two things suggested that he was alive and conscious: the tactile memory of having Jennifer in his arms a few moments ago and the residual taste of her sweet lips on his.

Finally he reached out and took Ellis' hand and the two men shook once. When they released their handshake Rodney shook his head. "I don't understand. I thought you'd be pissed because…"

"Because you saved someone who you obviously care a lot about?" finished Ellis with a glance towards Jennifer. At Rodney's nod Ellis smiled and asked rhetorically, "We really have a lot to learn about each other, don't we? I'm a career military man, McKay. I've sworn to give my life to defend others, and I think nothing but the best of anyone who would be willing to sacrifice themselves to save someone else- like you did today." Ellis took a deep breath and studied Rodney for a few seconds before letting the scientist in on a little secret. "Besides, I have someone whom I care very much about, Doctor. She means the world to me and I would do anything for her, especially if it meant saving her life." Ellis, knowing he'd made his point, turned and walked towards the door.

Rodney was so completely befuddled by what Ellis had said that he hadn't realized that he'd moved away until he'd put his hand on the door handle. "Colonel?" called Rodney as Ellis was about to open the door. When the soldier turned and looked at him expectantly Rodney asked, "What about Kavanagh?"

"He's resting comfortably in the Medical Bay," reported Ellis.

Rodney's eyes narrowed and he just resisted the urge to squirm under Ellis' intense gaze. "What about what happened in the Medical Bay?"

Ellis' brow furrowed and his voice was full of bewilderment as he asked, "What happened? I didn't see anything happen." As Rodney's eyes widened in surprise Ellis added, "No one saw anything happen."

Ellis gave Rodney a smile that was so fleeting that he wasn't really positive that the Colonel had smiled at all and then left him alone with Jennifer once again. When he turned to Jennifer he found a look of complete incredulity on her face, a look that he was certain was mirrored on his own face.

After a few moments Jennifer seemed to recover and smiled at him. "Now, Dr. McKay," she said with a smirk that reached her eyes and turned them a dark brown, "where were we? Oh wait." She lifted herself up onto her tippy toes again and rubbed her lips across Rodney's. She whispered, "Right about here," before kissing him again.

Before he let himself become lost in the moment, Rodney took a second to marvel at what had happened and how close he had come to losing it all. He'd managed to save lives, knock Kavanagh on his ass, impress Ellis and most importantly save the woman he loved.

_Not bad for a day's work,_ he thought. Jennifer pressed against him and deepened the kiss with great enthusiasm, sending a feeling of desire coursing through his veins. He returned her kiss with equal fervor and thought, _Not bad at all._


End file.
